“If That’s Bad, Then I Want to Be Bad!” Pia Zadora’s Butterfly
[originally posted on Pop Morsels]
A post on Golden Globe Darlings got me thinking about Pia Zadora a lot one afternoon. Snarky’s Machine and I found ourselves confined to our respective beds, though naturally still with the laptop and on twitter discussing Zadora’s role inVoyage of the Rock Aliens, the movie vehicle for her song with Jermaine Jackson “When the Rain Begins to Fall”. I looked up the film on Netflix to suggest we watch it streaming simultaneously together, but sadly it’s not yet in their catalog. Fortunately, we found a worthy alternate.
@SnarkysMachine: You know what I’m doing in ten minutes!
RJ: Hahaha, the movie started automatically 3 minutes in — I must have started this late one night but couldn’t commit.
SM: I don’t understand how they got all these legitimate actors to participate. Orson Welles???
RJ: Costumes by Bob Mackie!
SM: I just like the idea that we’re to believe she’s supposed to be a TEENAGER
RJ: She IS a newcomer.
SM: I’m pretty sure she’s the reason why they don’t do that in film anymore unless they’re being ironic.
RJ: I’m still laughing that the year after Pia won the Globe, they gave it to Sandahl Bergman. “See?? We weren’t bought off!” Stacy is looking good in a beard.
SM: Cocaine’s a helluva drug! The hair is so 70s but the film takes place in the 30s. I gotta say her choppy shag is shutting it down. I love her look – very pr0nny.
RJ: And it came out in 1982! If this was actually porn, it would be awesome.
SM: It doesn’t have enough story to be pr0n! Mariah Carey should remake this
RJ: Sans plot is how I like it – just show us the business.
SM: Agree. They have absolutely no chemistry. Pia’s cute as all get out, but boy she cannot act.
RJ: “If I take that silver, that’s payment, and that’s right, and that’s GOOOOOOD.” I never realizes the facial similarities between Pia Zadora and Michelle Williams before.
SM: I think this is the same set and outfits Jane Fonda had in that TV Movie “The Dollmaker”.
RJ & SM (simultaneously): “If that’s bad, then I want to be bad!”
SM: Butterfly is like Heaven’s Gate & Showgirls had a threesome with Glitter. Mixed with Cold Comfort Farm. I am so confused by this plot, but I know there’s an oh snap payoff in my future.
RJ: Have you seen “Hush”? I love when Jessica Lange says “You think you’re an alley cat, dropping its litter by the side of the road?”
SM: That’s what this movie reminds me off. What’s that early Gwenyth vehicle, Flesh & Bone??? Pia is acting as hard as she can. “Gimme sum help I hold in my hand in put in my pocket!”
RJ: HA! I was trying to type you that same line!
SM: I couldn’t stop laughing and jacked it up. Omg, this is amazing. I love movies that think they’re important and art house. My stars in heaven, even something as simple as a bath seems beyond the threshold of Pia’s craft.
RJ: I saw her struggle with walking through a door earlier, too. “My shoulders feel like somebody’s been mining them.”
SM: Oh the makeover trope. “Silver is green!” Oh poor Orson.
RJ: His sweepover hair is pretty powerful. The baby has arrived in the movie, so now all sexing ends. *sad trombones*
SM: I know, right? I was like where did that plot hole/baby come from?
RJ: She did mention the baby earlier, I smelled a red herring then. “I thought I was loving a man, not a mama’s boy.” Was that a TB cough?
SM: Chekhov’s consumption! I LOL’d at the skirt chasing line. Oh none of this makes any sense. It’s great though. [A houseful of plot arrives.] Suddenly it’s like an episode of Deadwood!
RJ: Get out of my brain! I was just typing ‘this movie is what I feared Deadwood would be.’ Oh damn, I called the baby being fake!
SM: “…if it had been made with taste it would have been unbearable.” Vincent Canby reviews.
RJ: “But by being spectacularly inept, however, she somehow epitomizes the erotic vulgarity of Cain’s fiction. ”
SM: Right???? Oh Vincent Canby is so polite in his review – gave this a nicer review than Capricorn One!
RJ: Oh hey, there’s June Lockhart….and Ed McMahon!
SM: Ed McMahon! Wow. An all star cast. It’s like a mash up of a Michener novel and Danielle Steele. So awesome.
RJ: He could have mentioned that whole “not my daughter” thing a little earlier.
SM: I feel so bad that the man who gave the world Citizen Kane has to say this awful dialogue. Oh snap!
RJ: I’m so glad we watched this together. Otherwise, I would have never made it to that final court scene ending.
SM: This was incredible. Except that mine hump scene was whack. It reminded me of the sex in Sgt Pepper: corny and set to bad music.
RJ: Yeah, shirtless Stacy and braless Pia wasn’t nearly enough.
SM: And it’s the money shot, so to speak. I felt like I got bamboozled on the sleazy sex tip though. Bunch of teases!
Butterfly continues to stream on Netflix, while supplies last, but more pop culture banter can also be found at Pop Morsels.