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DWTS: No Pistols Allowed

November 17, 2010

exit stage left, like a cat.

I’ve been mad at NYCPenpusher because he asserted that Bristol the Pistol would go far in the competition because she is such a ratings coup: I knew his prediction was a likely one, so I wasn’t really angry with him, more the reality of the situation he pointed out.  Did the producers know all along exactly how far the popularity vote would take her?  Yes, so I’m more angry at them.  Rumors are that mom Sarah like to send out texts/tweets to get people to vote without even watching the show, as well as exploiting loopholes with unlimited e-mail voting.  This isn’t new practice among fans of any contestant, but any minor celebrity fan club can’t compete with the size of the Palin fan club.  Friends of mine who were longtime fans of the show have stopped watching all together, and I can’t say I blame them, I’m dangerously close myself.  It’s one thing to roll my eyes at yukster Tom Bergeron and Brooke “having been to the finals myself” Burke (oh shut up); it’s another to watch my beloved judges exhibit signs of Stockholm Syndrome.  This has been a season of inflated scores, but c’mon.  I have not posted one clip of BP this season, but now I will.  People. you need to understand HOW bad she is.

Her “solo” was swinging her skirt around and marching in place!   At moments, her footwork was offbeat from Mark’s and the choreography in general was simplistic.  For that, she was given straight 9s.  Straight 9s!!!  For the record, I don’t think Brandy deserved straight 10s from the judges either, but at least she will have those scores to dry her tears, as she was sent home packing last night.  Next week the finals will be BP, Jennifer, and Kyle (who I’ve had my eye on since week one, so I’m glad that my prediction came true in addition to NYCPenpusher’s).

This week’s Dancing With the Stars was disturbing, and not just because a politician’s daughter who can’t dance is winning.  No, this week during the packages before the dances, we were reminded that there is not one, but two, stars in the running who have been involved in serious car crashes resulting in the deaths of the other drivers: Brandy’s 2006 accident and Jennifer Grey was a passenger when Matthew Broderick crashed their car in Ireland in 1987.  There’s no joke here, I’m just questioning the use of these stories by the producers, they aren’t really increasing the sympathy vote.  Though in Jennifer’s case, it revealed that her neck injury caused by the collision became a chronic problem that she eventually got corrected with surgery specifically to be on Dancing With the Stars.  She had surgery on her spinal cord to ballroom dance, people.   She wants this very, very badly.

Although Kyle got my heart vote early on, my money bet was that Jennifer Grey would win, and, despite the fear of popular vote, I stand by this….though not with absolute confidence.    Here is the story I believe is being written:  Jennifer Grey is the perfect DWTS contestant, the actor famous for a couple of big hits, one of them a popular dancing movie.   She wants this badly (surgery!), I’m not sure it’s a coincidence that they finally placed her on a season when she does not have much competition and paired her with golden boy Derek.  In fact, this sounds like a perfect recipe for a mirrorball trophy; but they can’t just hand it to her so blatantly, they need conflict and drama, which came in the form of her injuries and strained body.  That’s not quite enough to make us watch – we like good dancing, but we like suspense and story arc too.  Last season was essentially a neck and neck competition between the two perfect 10s, Nicole Scherzinger and Evan Lysacek, but no one this season emerged to reliably be her leaderboard rival, so the producers are probably loving the massive voting for Palin as it creates a story for them to work over.  I just hope they don’t go too far and let her take the whole competition.  I don’t care if they have to change the rules and make judge scores count for 90% of the total, they need to work it out.  I’m already making peace with the fact that Kyle will probably be the third place winner, just so they can have Jennifer and Bristol both bathed in red spotlight at the very end and keep viewers tuned in until the last possible moment.  I understand, producers, that you want more audience because that is more dollars, but please think long term strategy here.  You will lose even more fans of the show, and really, in the annals of television history for your show, which name will look better on the list of winners?

No matter what the outcome though, I promise I will not go as far as this gentleman from Wisconsin who decided he needed to shoot his television while Bristol “the Pistol” Palin danced.  Is it a mere coincidence he terrorized his wife while insisting he should be using the more symbolically correct guns?


Is all this Palin hoopla meant to distract us from the cakewalk of Grey’s win?  Is there any chance Kyle could take second?   And most importantly, will any of the freestyle dances possibly top Marie Osmond’s for most uncomfortable??!



21 Comments leave one →
  1. November 17, 2010 11:10 am

    I should post clips that make me happy too.

    Including Lacey’s handling of this question about same-sex dance partners.

  2. Donna permalink
    November 17, 2010 11:27 am

    Bristol Palin! Disgusting that she should even have been named as a STAR….STAR of what?

    The voting is rigged !!!!!! AND is playing the voting audience as stupid! There must be a better way to handle the voting….I tried several times and could not even get through to cast my vote for Jennifer…..

    Somehow it seems the Palins have figured out a way to get their friends’ votes cast!

    I feel so sorry for Brandy!!!!

    How can Bristol feel good about “winning” a rigged win!!!!

    I have been a fan through the season, but if Bristol wins you have lost me and I am sure I am not alone!!!!

  3. November 17, 2010 11:47 am

    I think the judges gave Bristol higher scores this week in the hopes that it would make fewer people vote for her.

    :37 into Bristol’s dance is the part that got me. She had to think really, really hard about how to pick up the two sides of her skirt.


    Love, love, love Kyle & Lacey. Will admit that I actually did some voting this week, because I would have felt awful if they fell victim to Bristol & didn’t make it into the finals.

  4. November 17, 2010 12:01 pm

    @Krista: I know! She’s so cautious and wobbly just grabbing some fabric ends! I like your idea that the judges are trying reverse psychology. I went to vote for Kyle and Lacey but I was on the west coast and so my central time phone was banned. I started to panic, then remembered I could vote online. Then I laughed that I panicked.

    @Donna: It’s true — who really wants to win like that? It would be pretty unsatisfying. Mark said “I don’t think it’s tea party or your mom, I think viewers at home look at you and see themselves.” Ugh. Keep on drinking that delusion kool-aid.

  5. angie permalink
    November 17, 2010 12:18 pm

    frack this noise. star of what? indeed!

  6. November 17, 2010 12:35 pm

    if Lacey really does dance with Portia di Rossi, all is forgiven DWTS, I’ll be right there watching.

  7. November 17, 2010 12:44 pm

    Nods knowingly

    The good thing about it is that, just like her mom, Bristol cannot win. She will not take the Mirror Ball Trophy. Because, at the end of the day, the best dancer remaining will take the prize. And all the GOP stuffed ballot boxes won’t change this.

    I do wonder about the straight 9s though. I think the producers wanted to guarantee Bristol in the final because her being there will make the ending ratings ginormous (and will likely bring the Democrats who will vote against her, we presume)

    I swear, I didn’t think she’d get to the FINAL!

  8. November 17, 2010 12:54 pm

    from your lips to ABC’s ears!

  9. renniejoy permalink
    November 17, 2010 1:01 pm

    How Palin Conservatives Are Cheating The DWTS Voting System, which you’ve probably already seen, but anyway… 🙂

    I really liked Bristol’s waltz, but more as a performance than as a dance, I think.
    Then Mark was ” sucking” on her neck at the end, eeeew!

    I feel sorry for Maks.

    Kyle is super-awesome, and it’s great that Lacey doesn’t have to dance down to him or around him (like Mark and Julianne) .

  10. November 17, 2010 1:42 pm

    Nana was hollering about Bristol last night, “She cannot dance. Get her off my TV!” and I had to turn off Brandy’s tearful goodbye. It was unbearable. I am stunned that Bristol didn’t get the boot. She’s not getting any better and she wasn’t even mediocre to begin with.

  11. Amber permalink
    November 17, 2010 2:13 pm

    i am one of those long-time fans that stopped watching this season. what made the show really fun was that it used to really be about the dancing. so even if a dancer was popular, if they were a bad dancer (as in BP’s case) eventually the judges would balance it out by giving out low scores. now it seems faked, pre-planned. as if the judges aren’t really judging based on their own criteria. hypocritical. it feels staged. no pun intended.

    as if this weren’t enough, it just fuels my anger over the metaphorical nature of BP beating brandi to the larger political climate. conservative white girl beats out black girl more qualified? does that sound familiar? if one spends more money on campaigning, they can still win even if unqualified? even BP’s intials irritate me.

  12. Sandra C. Muñoz permalink
    November 17, 2010 2:35 pm

    OMG BP is terrible. I saw Mark on a local morning show this week praising her talents and I thought that maybe she was good after all. But noooooooo, I saw the clip, she is not. She is terrible. She is barely moving. She doesn’t deserve to be in the finals. WHY DWTS? Why?

  13. November 17, 2010 3:19 pm

    I’ve never, ever watched DWTS, but at the dentist’s yesterday I watched an Access Hollywood interview with Bristol in which she responded to these allegations with absolute outrage. Is she clueless? Or just strategic?!

  14. Regina B permalink
    November 17, 2010 4:28 pm

    I think Bristol’s dance was the slowest Paso Doble I’ve ever seen. And I didn’t even recognize what she was doing as a solo, I just kept wondering why they were wasting so many beats of their dance time!

  15. Chi permalink
    November 17, 2010 4:37 pm

    All this political culture-war garbage invading my joyful little dance show has left me with an icky feeling. Hate, hate, hate it. I guess it’s a big win for them, but geez, they already had the #1 show on TV. Political season makes me ill to begin with and it should be OVER NOW, DAMMIT, and not poisoning the other things that make us happy. They’ve had pretty non-celebrity “celebrities” before, so it’s not like someone of her fame level is totally off the wall for this show, but they had to know what this was going to do, right? At the very least they could fix the bug in the email voting for the final.

  16. November 17, 2010 4:44 pm

    @snarky: I wish I could watch DWTS with your Nana! I couldn’t look directly at the screen when Brandy said goodbye either.

    @renniejoy: when I was watching on Monday, I said “I wish Mark would stop nuzzling Bristol”. He has gotten so creepy.

    @amber: we can’t have TWO black people in the finals, of course. also, I decided to start calling her BP precisely to link her with our bad collective association!

    @Sandra: …and she’s not even a star to begin with!!

    @coyapaz: I think she started off naive, but the truth is starting to seep in. as annoyed as I am about her presence, I feel bad for her being used as a pawn by the Palin machine, aka the woman who should be protecting her from this mess.

    @regina: I had to look closely the second time I viewed the clip to see that she was indeed ‘marching in place’, though even those steps were so subtle and off, it’s difficult to determine!

    @coya: I think it started off as clueless, but now the reality is sinking in. frankly, I feel bad for her as a pawn in this.

  17. November 17, 2010 5:04 pm

    @Chi: All this political culture-war garbage invading my joyful little dance show has left me with an icky feeling.


  18. renniejoy permalink
    November 17, 2010 5:07 pm

    Mark needs to stop trying to be Derek or Maks.

    He’s trying waaay too hard to be “charming” and is failing badly. OTOH, his dad Corky is almost as bad; maybe it just runs in the family?

  19. evmaroon permalink
    November 17, 2010 6:55 pm

    Having recently finished the Hunger Games trilogy, I can say with some absurd confidence that the world is ending. We can hear the whimpering across the country, after all!

  20. Regina B permalink
    November 17, 2010 8:00 pm

    @raymondj: I know, exactly!!! I had to watch it again after I read your write-up, and I really had to watch closely! That was a poor showing, particularly this far into the season.

    I love that Kyle has come along so well, though.


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