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Quick Pats of Butter: Star Whackers, Escorts and Ghost Protocol! Oh My!

October 29, 2010

C list actor and asylum seeker Randy Quaid. Not shown: star whackers.

Someone is out to get C list character actor Randy Quaid and his wife Evi. The Quaids’ legal troubles started getting national press coverage – something eluding Quaid’s acting performances for many years – earlier this Spring and the story keeps getting more and more bizarre. Currently, the couple is seeking asylum in Canada. At this time, no other character actors are willing to come forward and corroborate the Quaids’ story. I don’t mean to sound insensitive, but I’ve seen some of Quaid more recent work and he can’t pin the career woes on the “star whackers”.

(via The Toronto Star)

On Thursday, the actor claimed that for the last 20 years he and Evi have been the victims of criminal activities by people trying to embezzle him, kill his career and even murder him to gain control of his royalties. He became emotional as he told reporters that in the last five years eight actors he’s known have been murdered, including Heath Ledger, Chris Penn and David Carradine.

Eloise goodness at The Plaza Hotel

Speaking of star whacking…Charlie Sheen beat up on a defenseless hotel suite to the tune of thousands of dollars in damages. Oh Charlie Sheen. You must be making your father regret daily that you didn’t opt for a stage name. All the hard work Martin has done to elevate the name “Sheen” Charlie seems hellbent on destroying. The alleged wife beating, substance abusing douchebag has once again run afoul of the law. These Charlie Sheen coke fueled tom foolery articles just write themselves. Of course, Sheen is already back on the set of his crappy sitcom. Xena forbid, he let some hotel fuckery interfere with making that paper!

(via The Gothamist)

In the end, the facts are that he had been partying, doing coke, and had a naked escort locked in the closet of THE ELOISE SUITE in the Plaza Hotel. (Hopefully someone has burned some sage to cleanse that place.) To top it off, his own kids, and the mother of his children, were down the hall during all of this. Now police sources have told the Daily News that he “was getting in everyone’s face, frothing, paranoid, acting like a true [jerk].”

This week’s Tom Cruise news wasn’t actually tawdry, scandalous or shocking! No. Cruise just decided to reveal the name of the hotly UNanticipated fourth installment of the fourteen year old Mission:Impossible franchise. I stopped paying attention to the films after the first sequel. The roman numerals aren’t the chief repellent causing agent of the franchise and a fancy subtitle isn’t going to do much to alter that. Not when I can watch that whippersnapper Jason Bourne grimace his way across the globe.


Just yesterday, Christopher Nolan kindly asked fans to stop referring to his next flick as “Batman 3” and instead to address it by its proper name, “The Dark Knight Rises.” Now, Tom Cruise has followed suit, revealing that his fourth impossible “Mission” as superspy Ethan Hunt won’t be boring old “Mission: Impossible 4” or “Mission: Impossible IV” or “The Untitled Fourth Installment in the Mission: Impossible Franchise.” Instead, it will bear the official title of “Mission: Impossible Ghost Protocol.”

8 Comments leave one →
  1. October 29, 2010 2:34 pm

    Hm. Randy Quaid knows for a fact that Heath Ledger, Chris Penn and David Carrradine were MURDERED? Maybe we better take him into protective custody downtown and ask him what else he knows.

    Charlie Sheen is a big ball of fun, isn’t he? Seriously, how do people watch that sitcom and still find it funny? If I watched it, I wouldn’t think how amusing the show was… I’d be thinking. Oh, there’s Charlie Sheen, the guy that beats up his wife and hired women and is on the news far more often than he is on his own show! Some people really are made of Teflon, I guess.

    What exactly is “Ghost Protocol?” Calling up Ray Parker Jr. and having Bill Murray geting sprayed with ectoplasm? Come to think of it, that might actually be ok?

  2. October 29, 2010 2:44 pm

    Have to say Tom Cruise is looking pretty good in that picture. What is he like, fiddy?

  3. October 29, 2010 6:01 pm

    omg, THE ELOISE SUITE?? I missed that part of the story. oh Charlie. oh to be white in America.

  4. November 3, 2010 5:52 pm

    I really wish I didn’t know about the Eloise suite. The first time I heard that The Plaza made this I thought about how much me and Little L would love to stay there. (curse you enconomic downturn!)The fact that Charlie Sheen’s latest highjinks have taken place there have turned it all dirty.

  5. November 3, 2010 6:07 pm

    @Ky – I think the whole story is rendered extra seedy by taking place in the Eloise suite.


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