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DWTS: You Dance Up On Them Haters.

September 29, 2010

During week two of Dancing with the Stars, contestant Rick Fox said he liked that “there is no clear frontrunner.”  I said that too! It must be true, he’s an athlete, he knows these things.   It was a week of faux controversy on the show, so packed that Tony losing a bet requiring him to wax his legs was the least dramatic portion.

On Monday, after Derek and Jennifer Grey performed, they were being non-interviewed by Brooke Bland when suddenly there was booing in the dance hall.  What was going on out there?  The cameras went back outside and there was Tom Bergeron sitting next to Sarah Palin, who had been brought out onto the dance floor for some ‘guest judging’, i.e. pretend interviewing where she basically says she’s proud of her daughter.  Well, that explains the booing.  Except, the next night, on the results show, they decided to clarify to America what really happened, so they showed “raw footage”.   Now, here’s what I saw, the judges gave straight 8s, most people were cheering, but a few hardcore Dirty Dancing fans were booing and yelling for 9s.  But most people were cheering.  As this was happening, off-camera Sarah Palin and the stagehands were getting onto the dancefloor.  Now, most people won’t be the first booer, but if they hear others booing, they will join right in.  So I’m pretty sure they were primarily booing the ex-mayor from Alaska, but ABC doesn’t want to step on any money-making GOPers toes, so there had to be a ‘clarification’.  And now I hate myself a little for giving her any attention, so let’s move on.

The next dramatic moment was courtesy of Bruno’s judging of Michael Bolton’s dance, that he called “the worst jive in 11 seasons.”

A little mean, but true.  Bolton couldn’t even walk in time to the music!  Bruno proceeded to give a 3 for the dance, possibly setting a record for the worst score in 11 seasons.  That seems about right to me!  But everyone thought Bruno went WAY over the line (he really only went a few millimeters over), so much so they had to bring it up again on Tuesday night and Len started giving lessons on how to say something positive about the dancers.  Say what??  Have you met yourself?  Len basically called it dogshit!  Once again, the mob mentality takes over, everyone is jumping on Bruno, he’s defending himself awkwardly, and even Michael Bolton let his ego speak when he bristled and called Bruno’s comments “disrespectful and inappropriate”.   C’mon, suck it up.  You’re Michael freaking Bolton with eleventy million records and grammys and giant concert tours, have some humility and humor about your life.

But what about the dancing?  Ok, so the judges love Kyle for real, he and Lacey were asked to repeat their quickstep with modern flair on Tuesday.  Derek needs to watch his back, he might have some competition this season for inventive choreography with Lacey back in the game.   Everyone else modestly improved their dancing over last week too (with the exception of Mr. Bolton).  The results show this week was a more manageable 60 minutes long, and included some weirdo cirque du soleil style dance number to Police’s “Every Little Thing She Does is Magic”.  (Contortionism has always seems a bit unsettling to watch — there’s a reason our bodies aren’t meant to bend in those positions.)  Mr. Heidi Klum performed a single that sounded like his others (not necessarily a bad thing!), but the best guest of the night was android Janelle Monae doing “Tightrope”.  While I wouldn’t call it the “newest hit single” since we’ve been jamming to this song for months, I’m never mad when someone I dig gets the big exposure (and hopefully check) from DWTS.  Plus, she’s DANCING.  Watch it here.

Then the results came, and turns out, dancing the worst jive in 11 seasons is enough to get you the boot.  Goodbye Michael Bolton.  After his sharp words for Bruno, I suspect he will be seething about this loss for years to come.  It might even effect the final words on his death bed!  Hopefully he’ll let it slide and find revenge by dedicating this song to Bruno at a concert.

11 Comments leave one →
  1. angie permalink
    September 29, 2010 9:10 am

    love it. i am just reading along this season, although maybe i can replace my affection for julianne with lacey, she is tough. i love that you have your DWTS girlfriend up top, looking so fine!

  2. September 29, 2010 9:16 am

    Goodbye Michael Bolton. After his sharp words for Bruno, I suspect he will be seething about this loss for years to come. It might even effect the final words on his death bed! Hopefully he’ll let it slide and find revenge by dedicating this song to Bruno at a concert.

    How am I supposed to love without yeewwwwww.

    I love those fake slo-mo video couple’s “fights”…

  3. Kia permalink
    September 29, 2010 9:50 am

    I don’t watch DWTS but live for fun recaps of the action.

    I doubt if anyone who wasn’t already bumping Janelle Monae discovered her last night but national exposure is almost always a good thing.

  4. evmaroon permalink
    September 29, 2010 10:01 am

    Janelle Monae who? Just kidding.

    Looks like the hearththrobs from the 80s are dropping like flies. I kind of wish they had a “Loser’s Lounge” like on Celebrity Poker, so the stars could gripe with each other while getting tore up, but I understand this happens over weeks and not one night. Maybe they should do an old-school dance marathon and see who can last the longest! Okay, these are all bad ideas, I admit.

  5. September 29, 2010 10:09 am

    Ev: I think that a DWTS’s Loser’s Lounge would be AWESOME.

    Poor Michael Bolton; that’s what he gets for cutting his hair off all those years ago.

  6. September 29, 2010 10:12 am

    Michael Bolton is cheese even I won’t put in a casserole.

  7. September 29, 2010 10:48 am

    @angie: I think of you when I watch Lacey dance! Let love in.

    @Kia: agreed. I’m not mad about her getting more album sales!

  8. September 29, 2010 10:53 am

    @Ev and @eieioj: while good in theory, a loser’s lounge would be a recipe for sad disaster, but not in a good way. after all that physical activity and ego-crushing, combined with live television….there would be some lawsuits and possible arrests for criminal activity. and Ev, they have done some group dancing challenges later on in the season that were marathon based, but they never went past 10 minutes. Margaret Cho actually joked last night that she had no endurance skills before DWTS training, she even came in last place at a comedy marathon.

  9. evmaroon permalink
    September 29, 2010 3:01 pm

    Michael Bolton is cheese even I won’t put in a casserole.

    HAHAHAHAHA! I am rolling!

  10. September 29, 2010 6:35 pm

    When I think Michael Bolton I think of him being an hour late to the fireworks show at the Rose Bowl when I was 10. Glad to see him continually kicked by karma.

    I love Janelle Monae! I just bought her ArchAndroid album and it’s on repeat.

  11. September 30, 2010 2:47 am

    This is far more better than having to watch, so thanks for all of it.

    But really, isn’t saying that Bruno went “over the line” and having Bolton feeling “insulted” a method of just getting the show in the headlines? I heard all about this “confrontation” before anything, and I don’t mean to say this is another “Quiz Show Scandal,” but it seems a little bit too easy. I don’t know how orchestrated it all is… it could be that Bruno targeted the dancer that would react most readily; it could be that Bolton wanted out of the series and they arranged for a Grand Guignol departure? No matter the mechanics, the point is DWTS is in the headlines again, and if it’s newsworthy, that’s only going to raise the ratings that much higher.

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