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DWTS: Buy your tickets for the gun show.

September 22, 2010

I hope those extensions are tied tight!

Dancing with the Stars premiered this week!  Let’s dive back in.  (Shocking elimination results are at the bottom!!)

Unlike the past two seasons, after the first night of dancing there’s no clear front runner – the highest score was Jennifer Grey’s straight 8s, though Len already has reservations about whether she can keep it up for jive next week, and I’m inclined to agree.  I think the dance was really only straight 7s, but there were sentimental points added on top of all the RIPing Patrick Swayze.  However, I think the modest start for all the dancers is a good thing; no front runners could mean more vigorous competition and opportunity for surprises.

I don’t love the trend DWTS is taking in capitalizing on casting so many of the Temporarily Famous Stretching Out Minute 14.  I can accept one per season, but it feels a tad heavy this time around with Bristol Palin, The Hills and The Situation.  I understand this is the direction our world is now taking, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it; though I will cope with it better if Len keeps up zingers like this one directed at the muscley guy from Jersey Shore: “Did I tell you you’ve got the guns but not the ammunition?”

I did love Kyle Massey for representing chubby people dancing.  I can relate, as a guy who doesn’t mind shaking the belly on the dancefloor.  Kyle did a great job, the judges loved him too, I think he and Lacey have a chance, especially since he’s a Disney channel star – they probably have pretty good crossover audience with ABC, let’s be real: the Mouse owns both.  The judges weren’t as easy on the other chub, Margaret Cho (paired with Louis van Amstel, who was paired last season with Niecy Nash, and was paired the season before that with Kelly Osborne….hmmmm….).  They gave Cho one of the lowest scores of the night, straight 5s, which is a shame because she possibly can dance, but the routine itself was sort of a hot mess that couldn’t settle on a tone.  Dear choreographers and stars:  when will you learn?  The judges hate two things:  props at the beginning and physical comedy in their ballroom dance.  This is serious business.  Except you should smile and look like you’re having fun – just no slapstick.  Especially when it’s unclear if it’s an intentional mistake or a real one.  Oops.

During Rick Fox’s judging, they cut to the audience and showed Eliza Dushku smiling and clapping.  I thought, that’s odd, is she there to promote some new fall ABC show?  I went back to thinking about the ex-Mr. Vanessa Williams and couldn’t remember when exactly the divorce happened, did a little internetting and lo and behold, I learn that he is dating Dushku!  Since mid-2009!  HOW DID I MISS THIS?  Whoa.  This feels almost as weird as when I discovered that Michael C. Hall is dating married to the actress who plays his sister on Dexter.

But ladies and gentlemen, here is the best thing I learned from the season premiere of Dancing with the Stars this week:  Florence Henderson swears like a sailor when she makes a mistake.  Then looks hilariously mortified when she realizes the cameras are on her during rehearsal catching it.  That alone gets my vote, sexy Mrs. Brady.  Though I’m not really that surprised she’s got spark, I remember one Ladies Man skit on SNL years ago included a cameo by her as a game show contestant giving sexually suggestive answers, one of which I still regularly quote: “I’ll show the world what I can do with a bottle of Wesson oil.”  Oh Flo, please do.

So who was voted off Tuesday night? Goodbye, David “I don’t like The Hoff” Hasselhoff, we hardly knew ye.   I feel a little sad, and wonder if he suffered from the same problem Pamela Anderson did last season when she found herself in the bottom two the first week – she forgot to tell her family and friends to vote.  When will people learn? Get those fan club e-mail alerts out!

One last thing, ABC producers:  never do a two-hour results show again.  Never.

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11 Comments leave one →
  1. September 22, 2010 8:13 am

    I watch DWTS only sparingly, but I put it in my category of guilty TV pleasures. It always trips and traps me when I’m channel surfing and run across it. But I’ll have to watch soon if only for Florence Henderson. I always had a thing for those hot TV moms, like Shirley Jones and Barbara “I Speak Jive” Billingsley.

  2. September 22, 2010 8:16 am

    you and me both, redlami. you and me both.

  3. September 22, 2010 9:38 am

    Ugh- I’m actually watching DWTS this season. It worked, ABC- you brought in a new demographic by enlisting Margaret Cho. They’re intentionally luring queers like me who root for the funny chubby girls to win, right? More likely, there are gays working in casting. Aside from being a Q-list celeb, nobody knows her and she obviously isn’t taking it seriously, which I LOVE.
    Either way, here I am- desperately voting for Margaret Cho (even though, yes, her dance was a hot mess) and FB posting and telling my friends to watch DWTS and bragging that I have 2 degrees of separation from The Situation.

    -Sucker.

  4. September 22, 2010 9:51 am

    (Psst… Michael C. Hall is married to Jennifer Carpenter.)

    Monday was the first time I actually watch a complete DWTS show. I was surprised at how entertained I was. I was a bit bummed that David Hasselhoff went so early. Even though I’ve never been that impressed with him since I was a kid watching “Knight Rider,” and even though he can’t dance, he was more interesting to watch than Rick Fox. Though, I imagine once they get into the faster dances the sports guys will become more amusing to watch.

  5. September 22, 2010 10:13 am

    Thanks for these updates! Though I’m sorry you didn’t mention the fact that Bristol Palin got a 6-6-6 from the judges!

  6. September 22, 2010 10:37 am

    @Amy: when Margaret Cho said “you probably know me best from Drop Dead Diva”, I was confused, but then I remembered what the main demographic of the show. Kinda like when Niecy Nash was always mentioned as a host for Clean House when most people I know were more familiar with Reno 911.

    @NYCPenpusher: the 6-6-6 scoring was mentioned everywhere else online, so I figured that got taken care of!

    @Krista: snap, thank you for clarifying! I forgot they got hitched. I’m glad you see why DWTS is so entertaining. Yeah, it’s cheesey, but they know that and who says cheesey can’t also be impressive and entertaining. Plus, it’s live TV! That is the “reality tv” I like.

  7. September 22, 2010 10:38 am

    oh, and Amy, I love that you can vote multiple times, so I can divide my texts between those in my heart I love and those who are great dancers.

  8. September 22, 2010 12:23 pm

    Damn, the Hoff is gone? That’s some bullshit.

  9. September 22, 2010 12:25 pm

    Marg Cho is chubby? I thought she lost all the weight by belly dancing? Anyhoo, I totally was bummed to see the Hoff get the le boot. Frankly, I was surprised that he seemed awkward because I’ve seen him dance other places, and while he’s a bit wooden, he’s not awkward. The Hoff has charisma for days. Sad to see him go.

    Flo is who I’m backing.

  10. September 22, 2010 1:17 pm

    Cho was rocking a little belly, I was into it.

    The hubbub all afternoon yesterday was that the results were “shocking” to the producers even. I was hesitant to believe it, thinking a marketing ploy, but they were right!

  11. evmaroon permalink
    September 22, 2010 1:59 pm

    I really enjoyed Cho’s performance, and I thought it was hilarious, but I knew when they did the fake fall that the judges wouldn’t go for it. I’m glad she made it through to Week 2!

    I can not believe how many people have said folks should vote for Bristol Palin to support teen mothers. That is ridonkulous even on the face of it.

    Great recap, Raymond!

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