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We Built This Table with Rock and Roll!

April 29, 2010

Mandy Patinkin, the table (not the actor)

There needs to be some interior design – ha design wreck is probably more apt – up in this piece. So let’s talk tables. I am a total table junkie. I will try to make a table out of anything. The chief reason I finally convinced myself to fix up the Room of Broken Dreams was the possibility of acquiring MORE tables.

Gordon Gekko shutting it down.

And, as my partner noted, this table fixation has genetic component. My mother is also a bit of a table addict. While I see the genetic threads, my pathology expresses itself differently. I like a table itself; not necessarily the work surface it provides. My parents are quite different. Their home office must have – what – like five thousand tables at various price points (and with varying degrees of shakey-town-ness) from card tables to a gorgeous Arts and Crafts era desk thingie and the show stopping Gordon Gekko looking glass monstrosity piled high with so much stuff you can’t actually do any work there. In fact, La Mommie moved her party downstairs to the dining table and I think my Dad sits at one of the many card tables tucked in the corner.

I am not that kind of table addict. In fact, I don’t really like seeing anything on a table unless I’m actually using it at the time. I don’t want no books, no hot mess of tapestries, table cloths or other kind of barrier getting between me and the table top. If I’m in a store and walk past a collection of tables – doesn’t matter if they are high end or low budget – I debate whether or not it should come home with me. In most cases they don’t – tables don’t walk themselves home, despite usually possessing four legs.

RIP Purple Parson Table

And I go through phases. Last summer it was all about Parsons Tables and fell hard for a gorgeous looking purple one that ended up being all kinds of shakeytown and broke my heart. Lately it seems I am hot for Ikea’s table top/leg combinations. Surfing the table section of the site is like pr0n. My palms get sweaty, heart rate elevates and I glance around furtively, despite usually being alone while cruising tables.

This makes the whole home office thing a bit tricky. There’s no way I can just commit myself to one dedicated workspace. I’m all over the house making all the tables feel special, only to get hot for another one somewhere else and disappear without so much as a goodbye. Fortunately, it seems I can fit about three or four different tables in the home office.

Currently, it’s all about me and Mandy Patinkin. Like any proud parent, I can’t stop taking pictures of MP, uploading them and sitting back eating Sour Patch Kids watching the slideshow of MP from various angles on loop.

As I sat down to assemble Ikea Lack Side Tables, I mentally hummed We Built This City, but replacing “City” with “Table” and making myself mentally giggle as result.

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a version of this entry previously appeared on Does This Pen Write?

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7 Comments leave one →
  1. evmaroon permalink
    April 29, 2010 2:49 pm

    I love me some tables but IKEA’s been bad to me. Though I do agree their leg/flattop combinations are nice. We have one in our guest room.

    My table right now though, in my office, is a craptastic, no name drafting table that I bought from an ex’s workplace when they got new art tables for their crafts room. And since I mess around with cartooning, it’s great to just flip it up and flip it back down when I need it.

    My favorite desk of all time, however, is the dual secretary desk from Deathtrap.

  2. April 29, 2010 3:00 pm

    Yeah I went IKEA BONKS this past Feb and tore through the scratch-n-dent section and got everything on my list for a third of the price We’re talking 300 bucks worth of stuff for 98.73! I nearly fainted.

    Of course it was a real ass to get that shit home in a tiny Scion with a four hour drive for me. Even with all that it was cheaper than trotting across to Montreal and less of a headache, since they limit the amount of stuff you can take out of their country.

    Omg, I would love to see pics of your workspace. I am so obsessed with other people’s workspaces.

    I tend to stay away from anything in IKEA that’s not in the lack series (have had great success with it. some I’ve had for over 8 years!) or isn’t really simply constructed.

    I mean I have some ikea stuff from 20 years ago that is still at my mom’s house. It just lasts and lasts, but then I have had things die right before my eyes (namely their lighting, which I WOULD NOT ADVISE anyone to buy!)

    I also avoid their textiles. Basically, dishes and tables – 39.99 and under – a few chairs are the only things I like from them.

    I just like the purdy colors!

  3. evmaroon permalink
    April 29, 2010 3:30 pm

    I will take pictures before I disassemble the room at the end of May! It’s a pretty cool set up!

  4. April 29, 2010 4:21 pm

    My studio is a study in shit on top of things. Snarky, you would die.

  5. April 29, 2010 4:43 pm

    I remember your other studio, which I ENVIED like whoa. I think if I had artistic talents I would probably use tables for things other than decoration.

  6. April 29, 2010 7:05 pm

    One thing I’ve learned is that if you are possessed of an addiction to IKEA tables, it helps to have friends who enjoy putting things together. And don’t mind lugging the fershlugginer things from the vehicle that transported them.

  7. April 29, 2010 9:48 pm

    What Redlami said. I didn’t talk to my best friend for – what – like nearly two weeks because he ditched me when he said he’d help me carry all that bargain priced Ikea crap into my place. I’m still kind of mad about it.

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