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“I hate what you write especially since you don’t update enough!”: The Best of the Fry Butter’s Mail Bag

April 23, 2010

Fingerhut must have refreshed its offerings!

For the most part our feedback is neutral to glowing, but every so often we get out right nasty emails or bizarre spammy ones. Here are the faves. I have left them as is. These are just from today!

A person named Jen wrote:

I don’t care about bad Stollone movies. I care about important movies like AVATAR. You need to right more about those kinds of movies please.

I’m not exactly sure what Jen has against Stallone who has been in fine films such as: First Blood, Copland and Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot (with the late great Estelle Getty). But we at Fry Butter will certainly take it under advisement.

karanddriver wrote:

Sounds like you’re having trouble with your automobile. We make things right with our patented service plans. Response to this email and ask how!

Spammer Grammar aside, I’m pretty sure Fry Butter hasn’t really done much with cars. Other than Ev writing about the Prius alleged faker, which again, has nothing to do with cars per se.

“Better not fucking use my name” wrote:

Your blog and contributors are such crap writers. I could write much better information.

That might be true, but it’s helpful if you can back it up with a link that doesn’t take me to PayPal phishing site!

14 Comments leave one →
  1. April 23, 2010 3:47 pm

    I never promised you a rose garden!

  2. April 23, 2010 4:00 pm

    Oh, fuck it… Let’s just do LOST recaps.

  3. evmaroon permalink
    April 23, 2010 4:29 pm

    “Your blog and contributors are such crap writers. I could write much better information.”
    This had me guffawing in a coffee shop. I’ve never seen the Insult as Marketing Strategy used so painfully before. Thank goodness I already think I’m a crap writer because otherwise I’d be shaking in my shoes! Seriously, not.

  4. April 23, 2010 5:28 pm

    Don’t mind them. They’re a bunch of fuckin’ amateurs.

  5. April 23, 2010 5:42 pm

    These all made me laugh and spit bits of food particles out of my mouth. Particularly when I saw the link was to a phishing site. I couldn’t stop laughing. I generally find spammers to be helpful and agreeable. This is an interesting new tactic from a marketing perspective.

  6. April 23, 2010 5:49 pm

    It also reminds me of my very first piece of “hate” email:

    “You’re all going to a hot gay hell and it’s not gonna be Fire Island!!!”

    I think I recycled that as an post title for YEARS. It made me laugh so hard. So forceful and so retroliciously bigoted.

  7. IrishUp permalink
    April 23, 2010 7:39 pm

    “You’re all going to a hot gay hell and it’s not gonna be Fire Island!!!”

    Oh, thank FSM hot gay hell is NOT Fire Island; this makes it much more likely hot gay hell has trash barrels.

  8. Quvi permalink
    April 24, 2010 12:28 am

    My aunt’s mother-in-law said something similar about the food in her extended care home: “The food is terrible, and the portions are so small.”

    Spam trend that has me cringing: snippets of love-letter talk. “I love you. I love us.” Why aren’t you getting love letter spam?

  9. April 24, 2010 12:42 am

    The only recaps I’ll ever do are for British shows that are at least three weeks old and perhaps up to many years old! That is my promise to you all.

    My own WordPress dashboard obsession is search terms that brought people to my blog. That is chilling enough to make one worry for the state of humanity.

  10. April 24, 2010 12:50 am

    My proudest day on Fry Butt was realizing “Yes, have some” (from Ghostbusters) was a fairly popular search term. I felt the culmination of years of hard work was finally accomplished. Damn, I need to hit the hay. I’m all juiced up after watching ST: First Contact.

  11. Quvi permalink
    April 24, 2010 1:14 am

    Search terms–yes, there are some things we really should never know. Use protective headgear! The only link I ever saw to one of my blogs was on a spider-built site called “Indian Sex”. I think I used the word Indian a lot and “sexual disorientation” was in the title. Those poor Indian Sex surfers must have been so disappointed, as was I when I googled it myself one day.

  12. evmaroon permalink
    April 24, 2010 12:31 pm

    A while ago I wrote a post over on my blog about the search terms that have driven traffic to me:

    Sometimes I think about writing a similar one for Fry Butter, but mostly because the “griner transgender” searches piss me off.

  13. April 24, 2010 12:40 pm

    Don’t. get. me. started. on. that. one.

  14. April 25, 2010 1:05 am

    I love First Contact!! Best Star Trek movie ever. *ducks*

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