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“The Man was Murdered on His Way to a Peter Allen Concert?” Best of Blanche

April 13, 2010

good thing for those heart palpitations otherwise you might never have known you had it...

While most of her infamous quips were of a NC-17 nature, Blanche often dropped one liners having nothing to with her sexual conquests or the devastating effect she had on men.

  • “Rose has a date and I don’t? What are the odds of something like this happening? There’s probably a better chance of getting struck by lightning in a house you won from Ed McMahon.”
  • “I’m wound up tighter than the girdle on a baptist minister’s wife at an all-you-can-eat pancake breakfast.”
  • “Oh my God! He’s got his burro hitched to every bed post in town!”
  • “I can see that…you’re wearing your heat-seeking stretch pants” (upon seeing Rose leaving the house for another Dirty Dancing class)
  • “Yes, as a matter of fact I did, all those waves! Big waves. Little waves. Dark waves, rollin’ in! Page after page! I had to take a Dramamine to get through chapter three! ”
  • “Sonny Bono, get off my lanai!”
  • Dorothy: I haven’t read Apt. 3G since… 1961.
    Blanche: Oh, well let me catch you up. It is later the same day.
  • “Well pardon me, Dorothy, but we can’t all come from places as socially acceptable as Brooklyn.”
  • “There’s only one thing for me to do. I’m going to call him up, and tomorrow night I’m going out with that man again, and I don’t care what amount of seducin’ it takes. But, as God is my witness, I am not returning to this house until he has begged, besieged, and pleaded with me to go to bed with him. ”
  • “Sure you do, honey, don’t you know, I was a senior in high school, and I was madly in love with Deck Bovinglow. We’d been dating for nearly a month, so it seemed perfectly logical when he dropped by cheerleading practice and asked me to marry him. Oh, I thought he was a wonderful catch at the time. He was 40, out of work, twice-divorced, had three kids…but the real reason I wanted to marry him was because his oldest daughter was a rival of mine at cheerleading, and I figured if I married Deck, I’d be her mama. And I could kick her off the squad.”
  • “Rose, don’t be so quick to judge. I thought I had met Mr. Terrific. Turned out there was also a Mrs. Terrific. I found myself ducking a Mr. Vase.”
  • “How about Bye Bye Birdy?” (in response to asking which songs the girls would like to hear the piano playing chicken Count Bessie play.)
10 Comments leave one →
  1. April 13, 2010 2:07 pm

    Hah! But of course even if they’re PG, many of these comments are in fact about sex and its aftermath.

  2. April 13, 2010 2:10 pm

    Only sometimes! Not the Apartment 3G one! That’s a classic.

  3. April 13, 2010 2:14 pm

  4. evmaroon permalink
    April 13, 2010 2:34 pm

    I just about lost it when I read the Apartment 3-G joke.

  5. April 13, 2010 4:50 pm

    I love the Sonny Bono / Lyle Waggoner / Dorothy love triangle episode where Blanche yells at Sonny to get off her lanai.

  6. evmaroon permalink
    April 13, 2010 5:22 pm

    @Redlami: you have the best memory for minutiae! I’m gonna go find that episode now.

  7. April 13, 2010 6:02 pm

    @ev, actually I don’t, I just happen to have seen that episode fairly recently. And I supplement my addled memory with teh google.

  8. evmaroon permalink
    April 13, 2010 6:14 pm

    well, thank goodness it’s not just me using the interwebs as a remedy for memorylessness. though I didn’t suppose it was just me, really.

  9. April 13, 2010 7:03 pm

    That’s Mrs. George Devereaux.

  10. April 14, 2010 12:35 am

    The “heat seeking stretch pants” line is awesome. As is the cheerleading story.

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