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New Stinkiness on Netflix Instant View

April 10, 2010

Runaway from this film.

Tasha’s post on disaster movie tropes and her review of MegaShark! inspired me to scour Netflix in search of the absolute worst film experiences available for instant streaming.

  • The Eyes of Laura Mars. Come for the promise of a one-of-the-kind deconstruction of advertising and high fashion and stay for the guarantee of lulz.
  • Runaway a 1984 Michael Crichton helmed craptraganza starring Magnum P.I. as some kind of futuristic cop. Also features Gene Simmons and Cynthia “Room to Move” Rhodes.
  • Rising Sun An early 90s box office bomb starring Connery and Snipes – his presence all but guarantees copious amounts of fail. Based on the runaway best seller by Michael Crichton.
  • Cool as Ice Vanilla Ice’s remake of the Luke Perry bomb Terminal Bliss. Okay, not really, but for a long time I thought they were the same movie.
  • 30,000 Leagues Under the Sea Starring Lorenzo Lamas.
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5 Comments leave one →
  1. April 10, 2010 11:05 pm

    Who is the pronoun in “his presence” referring to re: Fail for Rising Sun I wonder? No. I don’t wonder. I mean it’s Snipes, isn’t it?

    Rising Sun is the only one of these films I’ve seen, and I hated it so much. I mean how much strangle sex murder of a young, beautiful woman do you want to watch, because that film has loads, plus a lot of grossness directed at the Japanese to boot. Chrichton’s books are sexist (and racist) and really gross me out. The movie adaptations often suffer further problems. But the worst one? My money’s on 1995’s Congo. What do you think?

    OK, on the subject, how about the worst Connery film? Methinks Entrapment it sounds like I hate the 90s, doesn’t it?). To be fair, I’ve never seen it. But all the trailers showed was repeated angles of Zeta-Jones’ ass. Which is surely excellence, altho’ not exactly a film premise?

  2. hsofia permalink
    April 10, 2010 11:48 pm

    I like how for the last movie you ONLY put “Starring Lorenzo Lamas.” I like the description of Laura Mars on Netflix: “Fashion photographer Laura Mars (Faye Dunaway) is surprised to learn that, through her camera’s lens, she has the point of view of a grisly serial killer as he commits horrific murders.” SURPRISED? You DON’T SAY! I am adding that one to my queue, though – it just sounds too craptastic.

    I had to laugh when I saw Runaway in your list because it was in my queue for a few weeks – I used to love Magnum P.I. and I think Crichton’s movie adaptations can be good background noise. But last week I took it off my queue, muttering, “What was I thinking – I’m never going to watch this!”

    @Kelly – I’ve seen Entrapment – you REALLY don’t need to. My husband owned it because he liked the tv ad showing CZJ slinking through the lasers, so his mom gave him the DVD for his birthday some years ago. He skipped to that scene and that was all he watched. I came along some time later and asked him, “What’s this about?” and he said, “I don’t know. I’ve only seen the scene where she’s wearing that catsuit!” So we popped it in the DVD player, and long before the end we had both wandered out of the room to eat nachos and play Bejeweled for the iPhone.

  3. msjacks permalink
    April 10, 2010 11:57 pm

    I like how when I look at whatever the top 50 instant view movies of the moment are, much of it is basically Anything With Boobies In It. Like, there was a feminist-looking documentary about the way society treats breasts and it was a top 10 for FOREVER. Also, any crappy straight-to-DVD movie about teenagers having sex will be #1.

  4. April 11, 2010 1:02 am

    @hsofia: Huge LOLs re: Entrapment and the apparently one memorable scene.

    I am a sucker for Tom Selleck, even in that one movie where he doesn’t have a mustache and he makes out with Kevin Kline (OK, I meant to write especially in that movie). So anyhoo, I’m wondering if the Jesse Stone movies-based-on-novels would be a regrettable viewing? Anyone? … Anyone?

  5. April 11, 2010 1:41 pm

    I like how for the last movie you ONLY put “Starring Lorenzo Lamas.” I like the description of Laura Mars on Netflix: “Fashion photographer Laura Mars (Faye Dunaway) is surprised to learn that, through her camera’s lens, she has the point of view of a grisly serial killer as he commits horrific murders.” SURPRISED? You DON’T SAY! I am adding that one to my queue, though – it just sounds too craptastic.

    I have written PAPERS (that’s more than one paper for those with the home version) on the so-called feminist theories put forth by this film. I have presented my findings while wearing gorgeous EoLM inspired outfits and deconstructed TLJ as “the other”. Oh it’s a real stinky, BDeP knockoff.

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