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This is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things: An iPad Smashing Good Time

April 8, 2010

Smashing!

Make way, America! There’s a new privileged white kid fad sweeping the nation – iPad smashing – yes, this fool done bum rushed a harmless $500.00 iPad, “to have fun”. Do they not have mailboxes on his street?

He said that he paid $500 for the iPad, and slept at Apple overnight in order to purchase it, and he just wanted to see what it would be like to destroy it. He said that he already has another one and acted like it was no big deal.

Check out the story here

And listen to what this assclown – Justin Kockott – said:

“It was just something to do,” says 19-year-old Justin Kockott. “I knew some people would hate it, but I didn’t think that many people would hate it. I do not at all hate Apple. I love Apple actually,” says Mr Kockott.

Doesn’t know why so many people would hate it. Well off the top of my head I can think of a few reasons:

  • $500 is more than some folks make in a week and watching you smash the equiv of their wages for “something to do” well, Justin, it makes people a bit stabby.
  • The fact that you have no fucking sense and your parents should be deeply and profoundly ashamed that you ever learned how to smash expensive stuffs and lacked the good sense not fucking upload it to YouTube. Though, that’s why found it fatuous, and not technically a reason why others are upset.
  • It’s in such bad taste given the current state of economy where 10% of the population is out of work. Though I’m minimally impressed you weren’t seeking to make any kind of “statement” other than you’re jackass and ought to be kept from any device allowing you to broadcast that fact.

No worries. He’s got another one he is not planning to smash. Apple should release a statement denouncing this kid. They do not need to have their fine products (I’m told. I only own an iPod purchased about five years ago, which essentially makes it landfill) punished like that.

Also big ups to folks at CNN and their dedication to clown horn journalism. Nice work, catch!

And congrats to you, Justin Kockott, for you are officially FRY BUTT’s AssClown of the Week, which is quite the honor considering the week Jesse James has had.

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16 Comments leave one →
  1. araymondjohnson permalink
    April 8, 2010 9:09 am

    Ten bucks says that fool is white!

    (I always go for the easy bets.)

  2. April 8, 2010 9:24 am

    Ha. I am just baffled as to what was the thought process involved and how many bong hits it took to make it seem like a brilliant idea.

  3. araymondjohnson permalink
    April 8, 2010 10:08 am

    And how the fck does that 19 yo have $1k to drop on TWO ipads? I want his job.

  4. April 8, 2010 10:46 am

    The kid’s probably acting out his aggression toward his parents who are, y’know, real mean and stuff. Because he probably really wanted to destroy one of these.

  5. April 8, 2010 11:00 am

    Hey, give the kid a break, when your parents are so loaded that they have 1k to drop on 2 iPads, you probably have everything… Cable, internet, rockband, nanny, segway, dancing bear, pony. And that shit gets old real fast.

    He didn’t even properly destroy it. He just dented it. No creativity these days, I’m tellin’ you. I mean, if you’ve got that kind of scratch, surely you can afford to rent a steamroller to roll over it or buy a catapult or any number of Willey E Coyote style destruction methods.

  6. evmaroon permalink
    April 8, 2010 11:18 am

    I knew someone in college who went to finishing school in Switzerland, and said the DuPont children regularly smashed up Ferraris on the Autobahn just for kicks, knowing Daddy would cover up their shit. I call that a little anger at Daddy and a total waste of a nice car.

  7. tony permalink
    April 8, 2010 12:32 pm

    he didn’t even do it in a cool way like the will it blend guy.

  8. April 8, 2010 12:36 pm

    @tony — Hah! Then again, we already know that Apple is all about not “going with the flow.”

  9. April 8, 2010 1:31 pm

    He didn’t even properly destroy it. He just dented it. No creativity these days, I’m tellin’ you. I mean, if you’ve got that kind of scratch, surely you can afford to rent a steamroller to roll over it or buy a catapult or any number of Willey E Coyote style destruction methods.

    No courage of convictions, indeed. I hope he will not later release a statement saying he’s “punk rawk.”

    @tony – HAHAHA! What in the Ft. Sam Houston is wrong with people. I’m gonna have go smash my Sony Discman or something.

    @redlami, those mean parents like are a total bummer. yeah.

  10. Hsofia permalink
    April 8, 2010 2:04 pm

    What a douche. It’s better than beating up homeless people for kicks, but this “we’re bored” Nihilism scares the crap out of me. My first exposure to this type of behavior was as a senior in a middle class suburban high school, listening to two male (white) classmates talk about digging bonsai trees out of people’s yards and storing them in their garages. I asked what their parents said about a dozen fucking thousand dollar plants sitting around doing nothing for months … And they looked at me with slow, dull eyes and shrugged. “I told my mom I found them.” WTF?! I always blame the parents first. Always.

  11. badhedgehog permalink
    April 8, 2010 2:13 pm

    There’s a little pillock who needs to crawl back up Nietzche’s arsehole and next time, come out as a better style of turd. Pillock.

  12. April 8, 2010 2:49 pm

    What a douche. It’s better than beating up homeless people for kicks, but this “we’re bored” Nihilism scares the crap out of me.

    @hsofia – I know! I found this whole thing disturbing because it portends their next act of “fun” which I do fear will be acts of violence towards vulnerable people. If they can’t take care of something the entire world has decided is the best thing ever, then I’m not hopeful they’ll somehow conjure any level of empathy for people or things that don’t have as much hot buzz.

    There’s a little pillock who needs to crawl back up Nietzche’s arsehole and next time, come out as a better style of turd. Pillock.

    @badhedgehog – The mind boggles, doesn’t it? Where’s the commentary? If these were kids from the ‘hood there would have been a decidedly different response.

  13. April 8, 2010 4:14 pm

    On Saturday, the iPad busted free from the Apple secret labs with the vivacity and boldness of a Dreamgirls diva, belting to the world, “you’re gonna love me!!!” And that’s exactly what we did.

    Ha! from Scottsles who apparently is actually a related link. Wow, WP actually did good this time.

  14. msjacks permalink
    April 8, 2010 9:00 pm

    This whole thing is so intensely vomit-inducing. I am glad people are jumping all over his ass, though. He deserves it, especially because he can’t see why it is making people so upset!

  15. evmaroon permalink
    April 8, 2010 9:27 pm

    I mean, seriously, in the big picture, he’s not the Marine who threw a puppy off a cliff in a war-torn country. It’s just an inanimate object, and if he wants to waste his money, I suppose that’s his problem. But it really is a slap in the face to those of us (cough, cough) who can’t find a job and don’t have money for even one nice piece of technology. And Snarky, not only does he get away with this because he’s white, he dreams up a very white prank to boot! Next he’ll be ripping up a bunch of Moleskine notebooks at the seams.

  16. msjacks permalink
    April 8, 2010 9:49 pm

    But it’s not even a prank! He bought something and then smashed it up. Where’s the prank? It’s just STUPID.

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