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Why I Hate Mr. Coffee

April 5, 2010

In a recent exchange with Snarky’s Machine recommending models of coffee machines, I told her that I use a french press or drink tea, prompting me to think about why I’ve always felt a little nervous around electric coffee percolators.  Not just nervous, but slightly averse to using them. I mean, my fear isn’t that unreasonable is it?  All that water surrounded by a flowing electric current plugged into the wall?  Why aren’t more people nervous??  Why does everyone have these things in their house??  Why haven’t more people DIED?!

Wait, ok, maybe I am nervous, because I was traumatized by someone who was killed — electrocuted! — by a faulty coffee pot.  I have a very clear memory of the blond woman, she came out of the shower dripping wet, but there was a pool of spilled milk on the floor that she stepped in, so when she reached for the sparking pot to turn it off, her body completed the circuit, sending her into tragic electrocuting convulsions.  And her son had to watch it all happen!  While screaming!!  And being held back by his dad, Martin Sheen, so that he wouldn’t get electrocuted too….oh, wait a minute.  I didn’t know that lady, that was the opening scene of the John Schlesinger 1987 movie, The Believers.

Funny thing is about my trauma around coffee pots, I re-watched this movie last year on cable with a friend, and discovered two things:  one, it is a really terrible movie, and two, the electrocution scene is not only still freaky, but also the only thing memorable;  I can’t recall most of the scenes in that preview above.

I watched Jaws and had no problem swimming in the ocean again.  But returning to the kitchen to make breakfast?  That is terrifying.

15 Comments leave one →
  1. evmaroon permalink
    April 5, 2010 4:16 pm

    Yeah, well my wife saw Jaws when she was a kid and hasn’t gotten over a fear of sharks since. Fuckin’ stupid Jaws movie.

    Meanwhile, I always find it intriguing when good actors make awful movies like this one. So when Jimmy and Martin were back together for the last season of the West Wing, did they give each other a look in silent memory of the Believers? Or was it like the elephant in the room?

  2. araymondjohnson permalink
    April 5, 2010 4:26 pm

    omg, I love that our posts went up simultaneously and both had West Wing connection! the superconscious is in full effect with FRY BUTTER writers.

  3. evmaroon permalink
    April 5, 2010 4:44 pm

    haha, yes! we’re connected in that teleparanormalwhatsitsfiggy way…

  4. April 5, 2010 4:59 pm

    Oh my god. At first I thought you were describing Maximum Overdrive. Wrong Sheen!

  5. April 5, 2010 6:24 pm

    I know how you feel. After seeing the Fisher King I have this horrible fear of having to see Robin Williams naked again.

  6. April 5, 2010 6:41 pm

    We use a french press in this house too. Stupid coffee makers. And an old fashioned kettle that whistles at me is essential too.

  7. April 5, 2010 9:27 pm

    @Mad Woman – Coffee Makers seem to share a similar set of crappy features regardless of price point. I might just go back to French Press and eat more cheese to balance the colon blow effects of a good French Press brewed cup.

    Welcome and thanks for commenting.

  8. April 5, 2010 9:42 pm

    Everything I’ve learned about electrocution I’ve learned from movies. Use a wooden stick to push them away from the outlet! And stay away from that sparking fuse box and the chain link fence when you’re having a fight with Arnold at the end of the movie.

  9. April 5, 2010 9:45 pm

    Also, don’t fall onto the tracks while chasing the elusive “white train”.

  10. April 5, 2010 9:50 pm

    Hahah “white train”.

  11. April 5, 2010 10:00 pm

    Man, that scene totally scared the bejeebus out of me. Somebody say, “Ramon!”

  12. evmaroon permalink
    April 5, 2010 10:50 pm

    I have a French press and an espresso/cap machine. Really, what more do I need? Truth be told, I have two French presses, because I used to keep one in my office. Guess I couldn’t go very far without one.

  13. April 6, 2010 12:17 am

    I just noticed that Ray Ray’s icon has a “bearskin rug” look to it. I can smell the fireplace and hear the ice clinking in the glasses.

  14. Kit_Kat permalink
    April 6, 2010 12:40 pm

    oh my! Yes!! You made me laugh so hard because that is the only scene I remember from that movie. I could not even tell you what it is about!! But that scene is fresh in my mind and I occasionally think about it. Glad to know I’m not alone.

  15. araymondjohnson permalink
    April 6, 2010 4:04 pm

    @Kit_Kat I am hoping that writing this out will release the demon of fear, and I hope reading this and knowing you aren’t alone will do the same for you.

    @snarky I just lit the duraflame, let’s go.

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