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Jesse James Goes to Rehab

April 1, 2010

Bullock and James in happier, less scandal plagued times...

Sandra Bullock’s head assclown at the rodeo husband Jesse James – the history enthusiast – done checked himself into rehab in yet another sad attempt by a pseudo-celebrity crumb eater to flush the fail from their system.

Remember in the bad old days when rehab was for drugs and alcohol? I am not exactly sure what kinds of treatments are available to detox off strutting one’s stuff in nazi regalia, but hopefully the facility’s pharmacy stocks a whole mess of it.

Normally, I’m not one to kick a motherfucker down with his own jack boot, but this fool has got some cheek. As side dish after side dish pulls the tattoo needle away from her skin long enough to dish all the details, this romper stomper fooligan sends his publicist out to make embarrassingly inadequate statements, which neither activate sympathy nor answer any direct questions.

Maybe they can send the publicist to rehab to steam out a straight bleeping answer.

As for Sandy, playa, I never liked her anyway; nor found her “nice girl” act approaching anything approximating sincerity. And since she was dating James when the offensive photos were taken, I’m not at all inclined to give a white woman I don’t know don’t care about married to a cheating nazi cheeseball the benefit of the doubt.

I reserve that for those who actually deserve it.

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10 Comments leave one →
  1. hsofia permalink
    April 1, 2010 2:08 am

    Jesus. What a train wreck. I feel sorry for the kid.

  2. April 1, 2010 3:12 am

    This is all kinds of unfortunate for the kid.

  3. April 1, 2010 8:54 am

    I didn’t know a post on the Jesse James/Sandy B shenanigans could make me giggle green tea up into my nose, but then you went and made it happen.

  4. msjacks permalink
    April 1, 2010 10:36 am

    “since she was dating James when the offensive photos were taken, I’m not at all inclined to give a white woman I don’t know don’t care about married to a cheating nazi cheeseball the benefit of the doubt.”

    You know, I hadn’t even thought about this. While I understand Sandra Bullock’s reasoning for laying low and not issuing any statements right now, I’m not quite sure why, when that photo was taken in their home, we’re expected to assume she’s in the clear. Nobody has even brought that point up. Of course, he could have been fucking that Nazi tattoo lady Michelle McGee because Sandy wasn’t enough of a Nazi for him, same way he seemed to be fucking them because she didn’t have enough tattoos on her forehead for him.

    Did you guys hear about the fight between said Nazi lady and Chelsea Handler? You can check it out here:
    http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/b174442_chelseas_latest_barb_bombshell_mcgee.html

    It’s kind of amazingly hilarious. I like that Chelsea chose to respond to the flabby arms part, not the part where she called her a “transexual” (her sic, not mine).

  5. msjacks permalink
    April 1, 2010 10:38 am

    Oh and just to clarify, my feelings about Sandra Bullock until last year were just that she was “boring”, but now I think she is “overrated”. No great love or hate there. She’s too bleh for me to care too much either way about.

  6. April 1, 2010 11:16 am

    Yeah, I never actually had a “stand” on Bullock either. She was just there and seemingly inescapable. I remember when she inched towards 40 and I thought, “ooh, we’ll be rid of her soon enough.”

    NOPE. Turns out she’s gonna drag Hollywood into the 20th century whether it wants to or not!

  7. msjacks permalink
    April 1, 2010 1:26 pm

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/03/31/jesse-james-foursome-part_n_519767.html

    These names! Bombshell McGee! Skittles Valentine! I am DYING.

    The best part is the end, though. “While Eric can’t recall if he used protection during the more intimate part of the night, Jesse didn’t use any protection. “Maybe I used a latex glove,” says Eric. “I don’t know. Sometimes as a last-case scenario I tie a latex glove finger off.”

    OH MY GOD.

  8. April 1, 2010 2:14 pm

    Wow. I mean really. Wow.

  9. April 3, 2010 1:21 am

    Sometimes all you can do with stuff this fatuous is laugh.

  10. April 3, 2010 10:44 am

    “I don’t know. Sometimes as a last-case scenario I tie a latex glove finger off.”

    Not even a thumb?

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