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Kirstie Alley’s Limited Scope Life Episode 1

March 22, 2010

Kirstie Alley’s “Big Life” starts out with Kirstie doing a voice-over as paparazzi crowd around her, straining to take picture after picture while she calls out for her daughter to get the car. The voice-over Kirstie starts talking about how fickle Hollywood is, how horrible and intrusive the paparazzi is… and then she gets down to it. The type of speech every fat woman gives themselves when they embark on a diet yet again. “Ah hell, it’s not their fault. I made myself fat again. Now it’s time for a change. So I am going to give this Achilles heel BACK to Achilles. First thing tomorrow, the change, she is a-comin’.”

After a scene in which she discusses her fatness with her children and it’s settled that they aren’t bothered by her fat, but rather the constant media attention surrounding it, we cut to a shot of Kirstie’s house and her yelling into an intercom system that apparently broadcasts all over the property. Now we get properly introduced to her satellites, rather, her main characters. There’s her handyman of 3 years, Jim, whom she hired because she “wanted someone fatter than her around the house”. Her new apprenticing assistant is named Kyle, whom she rescued from a failed boutique. Her actual assistant is named Kelly, a tousled blond who we find setting up Kirstie’s new scale. Lilly is her daughter and potential tattoo artist; her son Drew is a musician. Tracy, a gorgeous black chick with awesome boots, is apparently her stylist.

Introductions out of the way, we get to the meat of the show (literally, as Jim devours a giant burger). Tracy discusses clothing options for Kirstie’s New Year’s party outfit in some kind of lemur enclosure. They spot a paparazzi peeking over the fence and chase him off. Cut to Kirstie after an exercise session — rather, a session in which she lays on the ground surrounded by exercise equipment and thinks about exercising. She decides what she needs to do is be diet buddies with Jim, so she locates him and tells him he needs to be committed and take bathing suit photos. He kind of goes along with the whole thing but I really doubt he’s actually going to take the pics. Satisfied, Kirstie leaves to go look at dresses Tracy has brought for her to try on. There’s a lot of f-words flying around, from food to fat to fuck, and of course, “fucking fat”.

Sidenote: The paparazzi who caught Kirstie unawares out in the lemur cage apparently got his money shot, as her daughter shows Kirstie she’s on the cover of Star Magazine or some tabloid. The picture is of course, not flattering. Kirstie doesn’t really have a breakdown over it, she’s somewhat distressed but I imagine she’s pretty used to it by now.

Jim and Kirstie are both alone at home so Kirstie invites him over for dinner. They discuss Jim’s girlfriend and dating in general. Then we get into the typical “how I got fat” talk, the requisite self-flagellation about “letting myself go”, and the justifications for getting back on that yo-yo. She and Jim go play spades.

Cue the ominous drum beating music as Kirstie does the dead man walking scene to the scale. This is her first weigh-in in apparently quite some time. She covers her eyes and asks her daughter and Kyle to tell her weight to her in stones, because that’s a smaller number. After a few minutes of confusion and inaccuracy, Lilly and Kyle start talking in pounds. It finally is decided that she weighs 230lbs, however, that number is never actually said, you have to work for it and use those math skills.

So the first episode ends there, with Kirstie deciding she’s on the path to lose 90lbs. The whole episode played out like a typical getting-on-the-bandwagon session, which is all too familiar to those of us who have ridden that yo-yo over and over again. She’s mad because she wasn’t always fat but now she is, she lost all that weight and has now gained it back, but THIS time will be different! She just has to lose it this time and it will totally work even though it hasn’t worked before! While her actual life outside of her fat seems full and interesting, it’s clear to see that this show is pretty much going to primarily be about her diet. There’s nothing America loves more than to watch fat people try desperately to lose weight by any means necessary (see The Biggest Loser). All the better if they’re really struggling to do it, and there’s a lot of pain, drama, and setbacks involved. And it’s an ace in the hole if the fat person doing the struggling and failing is a celebrity (see Carnie Wilson’s Unstapled).

There’s a second episode that aired right after this, which I have not watched yet. But never fear! Tomorrow I will indeed watch it and we can have this conversation all over again.

Ahh, the joy of fat.

20 Comments leave one →
  1. March 23, 2010 12:14 am

    So, another Fat Follies show. So fun to watch fatties when they know they’re wretched and all that and it’s so funny-yet-poignant to watch them weigh in and go through the wringer and moan over wishing they could eat this or that. As far as Kristie’s show goes: as many said to Leslie at Fatshionista (re: “More to Love”) thanks for doing this (watching and recapping) so we don’t have to.

    Met my neighbor today. She’s also in the “need to lose 90 lbs.” bandwagon. She told me today she lost 30 and has 60 to go. Expected me to do the “good for you, how wonderful” bit. I didn’t do it because A. I’ve never done that sort of thing, praised ppl on weight loss, and B. wasn’t sure what to say that wasn’t ass-hattery (often I ask, “How do you feel?” but today, it didn’t seem to fit the conversation).

    There’s nothing America loves more than to watch fat people try desperately to lose weight by any means necessary (see The Biggest Loser). All the better if they’re really struggling to do it, and there’s a lot of pain, drama, and setbacks involved. And it’s an ace in the hole if the fat person doing the struggling and failing is a celebrity (see Carnie Wilson’s Unstapled).

    You said it well.

  2. March 23, 2010 12:45 am

    I had (relatively) high hopes for this one because the promos tended to focus on how “crazy” her life was and how she had so much going on, but, unsurprisingly, it turned out to be exactly what my right mind was telling me it would be. I kind of thought Kirstie had a bit more self-acceptance regarding her size than most fat celebs, but obviously, and sadly, I was wrong. She just isn’t as emotional about it as Carnie Wilson.

  3. March 23, 2010 12:50 am

    Tasha, OT, but this is the first time I’ve seen you and you are so purty!

    I don’t like “crazy life lady” reality TV shows either. I guess I’m a curmudgeon.

  4. evmaroon permalink
    March 23, 2010 1:18 am

    I taped this tonight but only caught the first 30 seconds. Awesome post, Tasha! I am also so totally sick of the fat guilt conversation. Isn’t life short enough? Eat a fucking cookie, that’s my motto.

  5. March 23, 2010 1:26 am

    I’ve had a soft spot in my heart for Kirstie since she got fat. When she lost the weight I knew she’d just gain it back, which she obviously did. Seeing as how she hadn’t lost it again and had done other shows like Fat Actress, I thought maybe – just maybe – she was actually comfortable with herself and was now (hopefully) on the HAES track, and this show would be about her daily life including getting healthier, not losing weight. WHY I was so gullible I have no clue. I guess sometimes you just want to believe.

    OT, thanks for the compliment 🙂

  6. March 23, 2010 1:28 am

    Thanks Ev! Feel free to watch it for yourself, just be forewarned. The next episode apparently includes her hiring a personal trainer, so that should be uh… interesting? Probably mostly disappointing.

  7. evmaroon permalink
    March 23, 2010 1:57 am

    Well, maybe the trainer will have some kind of sex photo scandal or even better, fat pictures from a misanthropic adolescence that some guy can crack jokes about on a 30-second E! segment. That always provides a hilarious context for successive trainer scenes.

  8. March 23, 2010 2:23 am

    Never mind teh fatz, what about her career, where’s the intervention for that?

  9. March 23, 2010 2:25 am

    yep, Tashie is our resident babe.

  10. badhedgehog permalink
    March 23, 2010 5:54 am

    I’d watch a reality show of Kirstie Alley leaving Scientology.

  11. March 23, 2010 7:05 am

    One of your resident babes.

  12. March 23, 2010 7:08 am

    Thanks Tasha for taking ‘er easy for all us sinners. There’s no way I’d have watched this show. I always kinda liked Kirstie as an actress (I’m a sucker for that husky voice) but I don’t really need to know about her daily life.

    Thank goodness the number of channels settled down, or soon we’d be treated to a regular series featuring Danny Bonaduce’s rehab program.

  13. araymondjohnson permalink
    March 23, 2010 8:16 am

    I have a similar soft spot for Kirstie Alley, I just really want her to “get it together” in terms of self-acceptance and confidence, and she often seems like she’s on her way to that, but then I watch a show like Fat Actress or her appearance on Oprah, and she is not very close at all. But her vulnerability around it still gets me in a way, so I’m glad you’re watching the show to report back!

  14. March 23, 2010 9:40 am


  15. March 23, 2010 9:41 am

    Nope. I’m the resident driving miss daisy!

  16. March 23, 2010 9:51 am

    Isn’t this show part of a thinly veiled commercial for her new vitamin supplements that are supposed to aid in weight loss?

    *tsk tsk*

  17. March 23, 2010 9:52 am

    Nah. District Attorney at worst.

  18. March 23, 2010 9:56 am

    Scientology approved, it seems. Yeah it’s a giant infomercial for her new diet program. She’s already lost 20lbs!!!

  19. msjacks permalink
    March 23, 2010 9:54 pm

    Just like, as a mostly unrelated aside, I hate how all these celeb reality show stars have all the people who work for them as their supporting cast. I guess they can’t buy real friends, so they buy a fan club instead!

  20. March 23, 2010 10:05 pm

    OK but to be fair, famous ppl probably need staff of some sorts (not that I have any concept), plus if I was a friend of a celebrity I’d be staying way, way far off from those cameras. I humiliate myself on a small-scale too easily.

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