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Acai Supply Wants Gabby to Lose Weight (for her health)

March 15, 2010

Gabby doesn't need your help, thankyouverymuch

According to TMZ someone claiming to be the CEO of Acai Supply has written an impassioned plea concern trolling Academy Award nominated actress Gabourey Sidibe in hopes she will be properly shamed into losing some weight.

The letter is an uninspired mismash of the talking points heard by millions of fat people from a variety of sources.

First comes the shame masked as concern:

After viewing the recent pictures taken of you strolling around Santa Monica early this week, we at AcaiSupply.com have decided we can no longer sit back and keep our mouth’s shut! Obesity is a major epidemic in the United States and we would like to help you rid yourself of this terrible affliction.

I don’t even know where to start. Despite a disclaimer on their website stating their product is not designed to diagnose, treat or cure anything and has not been FDA approved to do anything, these assclowns believe they are able to assist her in ridding herself of this terrible affliction. If the product is not designed to treat the affliction they wish to help Gabby dispose of, I’m curious exactly how they plan to “help”.

The letter continues, seeking to capitalize on the Howard Stern controversy as though his comments should be elevated beyond their body snark status and framed as legitimate critique. Next Oprah somehow finds herself in the mix with a bit of tricky phrasing that gives the impression Oprah joins with Acai Supply in its hopes to assist Gabby in jettisoning her “affliction”. It’s deceptive and highly problematic.

The rest is nothing more than a rehash of the spammy links found on the sidebar of websites and hopefully in the spam folder of your email. Having limited knowledge of this cheesy company I have no idea if they just pick whatever fat celebrity currently enjoys the limelight in hopes of attracting suckers for their products or if Gabby’s body and self confidence were so egregious the “CEO” just had to fat shame publicly in a poorly written letter.

But based on the numerous intrusive interviews Gabby has had to endure on the subject of her size, I’m guessing she’ll take a hot bag of “no thanks” on Acai Supply’s offer.

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11 Comments leave one →
  1. March 15, 2010 10:59 am

    I suspect they saw an opportunity to capitalize on Gabby’s notoriety. I bet if I got nominated for an Oscar, some herbal penis-enlargement remedy hawker would be publishing their concerns about my (and my partner’s) sexual satisfaction. Especially if I’d been strolling around Santa Monica with my johnson out.

  2. March 15, 2010 11:08 am

    Hahah. Good point! The letter is so cheesy. Like she’s actually going to take serious “health” advice from a spammy link generating company who advertise on the craptastic of websites. mostly those of “Life coaches” and LOA (law of attraction) e-book/e-seminar sites.

  3. badhedgehog permalink
    March 15, 2010 11:15 am

    So, I suppose all those sidebar ads linking to fake blogs must be working out really well for them.

  4. evmaroon permalink
    March 15, 2010 11:26 am

    Acai berries taste like metal-infused rotten cranberries to me. Just say no to drugs, Gabby!

  5. March 15, 2010 12:11 pm

    Wow, just wow.

  6. badhedgehog permalink
    March 15, 2010 1:10 pm

    Hang on, hang on…

    Haven’t they just offered her a year’s free supply (A YEAR’S FREE SUPPLY) of acaisupply.com (sorry, ACAISUPPLY.Com)? A year’s free supply of the website? Not even a year’s supply of the unpleasant berry in question? This is a con of a con!

    Gabby can offer them a year’s free supply of fuck right off.

  7. alicia Wein permalink
    March 15, 2010 4:25 pm

    Redlami, that’s exactly how I perceived the Howard Stern stuff, too—hadn’t heard a peep about him in years, and certainly was not concerned with his latest on contemporary culture. I saw his attack of Gabby even more icky than his usual stuff because he made it *seem* like he was being critical of her, but was really trying to ride on her coattails and regain some sort of relevance.

  8. March 15, 2010 6:19 pm

    This is messed up in so many ways. Thanks TMZ, for giving them free press!

    Ugh. Another fly-by-night “natural” food company waving their arms around trying to get market share. A few years ago, another Acai shilling company (I think it was Sambazon, but I can’t remember) was giving cancer to monkeys and then pumping them full of Acai in some half-assed attempt to prove it could cure cancer.

  9. March 15, 2010 7:15 pm

    That is scandalicious, Pop.

  10. Hsofia permalink
    September 9, 2010 6:48 pm

    Assclownery is right! I’m sure Gabi has no use for their dingleberry juice pills or whatever crap their hawking.

  11. Hsofia permalink
    September 9, 2010 6:50 pm

    Their = they’re (Spell check, you ain’t doing me any favors.)

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