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Hoaxsters, fakesters, and the lure of . . . TLC?

March 14, 2010

Runaway Prius driverWell, I wasn’t the only one suspicious when news broke of a California Prius driver’s inability to slow down his car on a major highway. Somehow in the midst of failing to decelerate his car from 94mph he had the wearwithall to dial 911 and get Erik Estrada from the Highway Patrol to slow it down to safety. I get one road ragey maniac in my face and all logic flies out the window, so it’s a damn good thing I don’t own a Prius, I guess.

It just seemed like extremely good timing for such a “mishap,” what with the headlines finally not talking about the freaking Tea Party crazies or some random elected official jackass in New York, or who’s having John Edward’s baby now. There was a lot of attention on the Prius defect and what the Department of Transportation hasn’t done about it (and in the interests of full disclosure, my grandmother was a LaHood, but we’re not related, because no, actually, not all Lebanese are related). What a good time, say, to manufacture a crisis of personal proportions in the midst of all the people dying of oh, I don’t know, earthquakes or something. Surely it’s time to pay attention to some rich white guy in California and his fucking Prius. There hasn’t been this much buzz about the Golden State’s roadways since OJ Simpson took a ride in his friend’s Bronco.

Truth be told, I think Prius drivers are insufferable. Yes, I used to own an SUV. Everyone ratted on me until they needed to get a new bed frame from IKEA, and then suddenly, I was their best friend. Or God forbid it snowed. Gee, my 4-wheel drive came in handy then, huh? I thought so. So maybe I have a chip on my shoulder, but Prius owners thought they were like little carbon swaps, with their reusable grocery bags so they could get free trade sugar that was five times as expensive as the sugar other people bought at Safeway. Hey, why not just purchase our way into reversing the greenhouse effect?

It strikes me that this guy, who now has a lawyer to defend him, was looking for some attention. Engineers have tried and been unable to replicate whatever made the acceleration happen—standing on the gas and brake pedals at the same time cuts the engine immediately, as it’s supposed to do. Well, maybe he just stood on the gas pedal, then.

Meet the SalahisHe’s not the first person to lie to get attention, to put other people’s safety and other people’s resources after his own ego. Anyone remember Balloon Boy’s parents? The Salahis, or as they are more infamously known, the White House party crashers? The former got slapped with criminal charges and were sentenced with jail time and community service. The latter had to testify before Congress. Congress!

And they had the same motivation: Heene wanted to pitch a show about the ordeal. Because making your kids lie once isn’t enough emotional damage? Michaela Salahi was, at the time, auditioning to be on a new Real Housewives of DC show. Clearly they didn’t think their lives were interesting enough, so they just, you know, wanted to up the ante.

I wonder why they keep running head first into law enforcement, however. Presumably they think that’s newsworthy. But someone should tell the next slate of dumbass wannabees that these guys also investigate crimes. They might figure out you’re lying.

Everett Maroon also writes over at Trans/Plant/Portation.

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7 Comments leave one →
  1. March 14, 2010 3:06 pm

    A.C. Cowling FTW.

    I agree with your assessment of Prius owners and this ass clown. He also had some “financial troubles” to the tune 700k. Fame monsters.

    Truth be told, I think Prius drivers are insufferable. Yes, I used to own an SUV. Everyone ratted on me until they needed to get a new bed frame from IKEA, and then suddenly, I was their best friend. Or God forbid it snowed. Gee, my 4-wheel drive came in handy then, huh? I thought so. So maybe I have a chip on my shoulder, but Prius owners thought they were like little carbon swaps, with their reusable grocery bags so they could get free trade sugar that was five times as expensive as the sugar other people bought at Safeway. Hey, why not just purchase our way into reversing the greenhouse effect?

    Bang on.

  2. March 14, 2010 3:08 pm

    There’s nothing more insufferable than a pious zealot. Fantastic post, I LOL’ed all the way through.

  3. March 14, 2010 4:49 pm

    Insufferable always makes me think of Daffy Duck.

  4. evmaroon permalink
    March 14, 2010 5:05 pm

    Daffy Duck drives a Honda Civic Hybrid.

  5. March 14, 2010 10:29 pm

    And here I thought his righteous indignation was enough fuel to power any mode of transportation.

  6. hsofia permalink
    March 31, 2010 9:15 pm

    “Everyone ratted on me until they needed to get a new bed frame from IKEA, and then suddenly, I was their best friend.”

    This is real, yo. LOL

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